Where I am - DYL
I am recently reading a book called Designing Your Life, and I just want to record part of my exercises here, so that after several months, I can compare the
results and see if there is anything interesting.
This is the exercise one: The Health, Work, Play, Love Dashboard.
I am generally healthy.
Physically I am not thin, not too fat, though sometimes I get cold, I can recover on my own. I do not go to the gym a lot, but I do exercise at home from time to time. I am not at my ideal weight, but I now accept my shape of the body and happy to leave it like this.
Mentally I am mostly fine, sometimes panic, but it does not last for a long time. My skin will tell me when I am too stressed, and now it looks ok. The thing is I like to put my schedule very tight so that I do not waste too much time, however, I begin to realize that I did not leave enough time for myself. I feel exhausted after the full schedule for several weeks, then I need a week with open plans to recover. I might need to think about how to control that pace so that my body does not have to scream at me to have that recovery break.
Though I do not make much money, I work a lot. I am now working as an intern, so I work 3 days a week. I work on my projects on the rest of two weekdays, also getting freelance jobs, doing website design, poster design, branding design, and illustration. I found myself using every minute in the daytime learning new stuff, even when I am on the train, I am on the design-related podcast. And that sometimes makes me exhausted.
Besides design, I also do arts. I thought doing arts might just bring me fun, but when it becomes group work, I should admit that it becomes a job. So recently I work at least 6 hours a week on that. Sometimes I have an art-related workshop and that always last for 5 hours. I started to do some stand-up comedy practice, and I keep thinking about my materials all the time, which is good for transferring my negative emotions into something funny, but at the same time, cannot let me rest properly.
When you do not have a proper job, you always spend time applying for chances. It takes me so much time finding all the open opportunities, selecting the ones that might match my skills and expectations, understanding what the company or studio needs, editing my resume and portfolio, writing a specific cover letter, and submitting the application on different platforms. Sometimes for some specific companies or studios, I begin to learn something new, like new software. Most of them are quite similar to the ones that I already know, and some of them are just totally new. After the application, I wait for most of the time - might get an interview or a rejection letter or nothing. I sometimes call back because I cannot stand thinking about all the possible results for the whole days.
I don't do something that is purely for joy. That is mainly because from my childhood, if I want to play, most of the time I need to use some “right reasons” to get permission. Like you will hear me saying “playing badminton is good for health, so let us play it” instead of “let us play badminton for fun”.
I do use social media and watching TV for fun, but when I do that, I have to do something at the same time, at least eating something, otherwise, I feel strange because of the “wasting time” mind. So sometimes I feel more pressure when I watch more TV programs - I have to do more work alongside, or I feel guilty.
The things that make purely happy is playing in the children’s playground, especially playing the slide. I also feel happy when I jump and in nature. I love music concerts, not the super noisy ones, I like the one that everyone can sing along, and just you know, easy and happy.
Going out with friends seem to be a good way of having fun, but to me, it burns my energy most of the time, so I want to keep it short and in a smaller group, so our talk and time will be more efficient and valuable, or my voice is more likely to be heard in that situation.
I know there are lots of love around me, from my families and friends. I can feel it and I appreciate about it. However, I feel that sometimes I just refuse to have these connections. I avoid it sometimes I am afraid of losing it and I am not that confident about myself. I do not love myself that much.
However, I am the person that needs love but I will never tell in front of people. My way of showing love is not that obvious as well - I just want everything to be chill.